Father of 2 refuses to take PTO during Spring Break so that entitled wife can go on vacation with her affair partner: “She prioritizes her boyfriend over her children”

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    My (43M) soon-to-be ex (44F) wants me to take PTO for kid's (5M, 9M) spring break, so she and her boyfriend can take a vacation. Is this fair?

    "Her boyfriend should pay for all of it."
  • 02
    My soon-to-be ex-wife and I are divorcing. We haven't been to mediation yet so are still sharing combined finances and living under the same roof. I am employed and have been the breadwinner for the past 10 years. She is not employed and is looking for a job.
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    She has requested that I use my PTO to watch the kids during the entirety of their spring break so that she can go on a vacation with her affair partner.
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    Spring Break!
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    This puts a lot of pressure on me because I don't know that I feel comfortable asking for a full week of PTO at this time. And even if I did ask for a full week of PTO, shouldn't I get half of that to go on a
  • 06
    personal vacation while I watch the kids for the other half? And then she would do the same? Wouldn't that be fair? To me it seems as though she's acting entitled to a vacation for the full week and expects me to use my PTO to cover it.
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    And finally, we haven't split finances yet. I don't feel comfortable with her using family money for a vacation that I wouldn't agree to use family money for. I think her boyfriend should pay for all of it.
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    8 5 16 10 17 day off 23 24
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    Is my line of thinking reasonable? Am I being uncompromising? I'm having difficulty navigating all of these things because I'm distraught due to the divorce and other life stresses thinking clearly. - so I'm not sure I'm
  • 10
    Edit I'm deeply appreciative of all the input.I'm going to learn from a lot of the feedback. All in all I think I didn't do a very good job of explaining things. It's just too much of an emotional issue. My soon- to-be ex-wife and I will be working with lawyers for custody and financial splitting.
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    HatsAndTopcoats Why does she feel the need to vacation without the kids, during the one week the kids have off from school?
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    ThrowRA_FairDivorce OP That's a very long separate story. Our oldest has some behavioral issues. It's been particularly hard on my ex-wife. Last fall I went away for military training for 4 months. And the time she spent with
  • 13
    the kids traumatized her. Her words. In all fairness any stay-at-home mom deserves break sometimes. I just don't know that she can claim the whole spring break. I don't know that that's fair.
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    SnooRecipes9891 This is why you need to get a parenting plan in place as soon as possible. This would be good to bring up that you should have more custody. She seems to prioritize her boyfriend over her children, the judge will pick up on that. Get busy on filling out the parenting plan and file it with the court.
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    Cheezburger Image 10482984448
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    Horizontal_Bob Just tell her it's impossible to take PTO days during the time frame because too many other people already requested off
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    monty_kurns I'm sorry, you're not divorced yet and she's asking you use your leave so she can have a vacation with her affair partner while you watch the kids? I wouldn't even try to compromise on that one. I'd tell her no and stand firm on that. Dividing the spring
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    break half with her and half with you is fair, but I'd probably make sure she takes the first half because I wouldn't put it past her to agree taking the second half then just not come back from vacation, forcing you to do the whole thing like she wanted.
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    gatorgopher Get your divorce started and get a parenting plan in place. Sure, you should take the PTO and do something fun with your kids because every other Spring Break is likely going to be this way. Make sure
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    it's noted that you kept them this year. Also, she should not be spending family money on a get away with AP. Separate your finances now. Technically she'll still use family money for whatever, but it will be coming out of her account, not shared funds.
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    ThrowRA_FairDivorce OP Thank you. It's pretty clear now that there are some core issues. We should have already been through mediation. Yes. It has been terrible continuing to share a house and finances.
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    kingsmuse If you're already having (justifiable) problems over the kids spring break you'll never make it through mediation.
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    Late_Butterfly_5997 I just feel sad for your kids that neither one of you seems interested in taking them on a vacation during their break.
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    I have no advice for the rest of it other than the sooner you get the finances sorted and separated the better it will be for all involved.
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    TurtleToast2 My thoughts, too. What lucky kids to have parents fighting over who has to spend time with them and not who gets to spend time with them.
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    ThrowRA_FairDivorce OP If I had unlimited pto. And taking PTO wasn't going to cause an issue at work. I would be more than happy to spend a week with my kids. I wish I could

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